It’s been more than a year, since I have written anything here. The last year or so, has been a whirlwind. So much has happened. Last time I wrote something here, I hadn’t even joined my new job at my new college in East Burdwan. My PhD was in its nascent stage (isn’t it still?), and I was younger, more energetic, with a few more strands of hair on my head (my lifelong insecurity of losing my hair has also intensified, this year), a little more optimistic about how things turn out, eventually. Life, per usual, hasn’t given me the comfort of that optimism, but has viciously driven me towards practicality, reality, boredom of doing tax, the lethargy of getting up early in the morning after a bad night’s sleep, so on and so forth.
Which in turns, brings me to write this, and in turn convey my gratitude towards the things that still allow me to be unapologetically myself, albeit for a little while.
People who’ve known me for a while definitely know I have a staunch believer of the “me time”. Time for oneself, per se. I spend this time reading, listening to music, watching something, fiddling with the guitar; contemplating the gift/curse of life through these processes. Sometimes I just sit and be morose. After all, like I have discussed before as well, happiness is not quite a feeling found in abundance.
But again, is that all I am? It seems not. In the lasr year or so, I have learnt to be more and more accommodating. I am still learning to be. I have understood that patience is a virtue and I have actively started to practice being patient. I have learnt to respect others’ opinions more, respect choices which are different than mine. Mostly, I have become less unpredictable (to others).
These are necessary changes I needed to bring. But, I was so caught up in my solitude, I could not fathom where to start.
This is where Srijani comes in, ever-so-graciously. In the last few years, she has gotten to know me, be with me, but ultimately she never gave her spot up as my friend through all of these roles that she has played in my life. She has taken care of the pop culture enthusiast in me, always egging me on to learn and know more. Often she has spoiled me with certain collectibles and merchandise that I can proudly declare my fandom with. However, she has also reined in my habit of non-stop, overwhelming info dumping on others; I look back at how talkative I was (still am). I have learnt so much from her. Things I never ventured into. And the interesting part is, Srijani has no idea about how she influences me everyday. She won’t believe it even if I tell her! She’s equally fun and funny, and the perfect partner-in-crime for pranks, cover-ups and last minute excuses. After most of my friends moved to Bangalore, I felt quite alone in this city. My job made it more difficult to kepp up with friendships. Srijani took up a daunting task of being my friend, knowing how I lack the skills to maintain a sustained relationship based on communication. She knew I struggle with privacy concerns and expressing feelings. She remains my friend inspite of all this. Says a lot about one’s character and integrity. Having been volatile, my parents and friends are not alien to my sudden ‘melancholies’. Still, Srijani chooses to chooses to communicate with me, despite initial lack of cooperation from my end. And she brought out positive characteristics in me, which I was myself unaware of. I was surprised to hear myself talk, carry myself (and dress). There’s a lot more to learn from her, I see everyday. And I have a lot of time with Srijani to share the best of us with each other. That sounds what I believe.
In the meantime, I just hope that she doesn’t change. I don’t think she will. Why write this today? All these elaborate epiphanies crammed into an essay more about me than anyone else? After a year and a few months at that? Because without the best of Srijani, there is no best of me. Today, because, it is Srijani’s birthday. I will see her in some time, for her birthday dinner. And I am sure I will see her bubbling with life itself, as always. The liveliness that she has shared with so many around her. And with all that she has spread, her own abilities to give, care and love, haven’t dwindled, a bit. I hope, wish and pray that it never does. In the words of Bob Dylan, I wish, Srijani, may you stay, “Forever Young”.
Note: With every milestone in her life, I plan to dedicate specific versions of Forever Young, by Bob Dylan to her, which would be the musical map of her strongest characteristic through and in different stages of life.
Note 2: I am not allowed to post her stupid/funny pictures on the internet. Someday, someday!
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A very happy Srijani that she can travel back from work with me, from New Town to South Calcutta |
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Justice League T-Shirt and Batman Sneakers courtesy: Srijani |
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