বিষয়: বিষয়

I swear. I swear I am sitting here for the last twenty minutes, gaping at my very old monitor, stuck at the blinking cursor. I am at a terrible loss of words, like always. I had a draft saved. A piece of writing. On Kolkata. But, no. It is not time yet. Kolkata will be special. My city in my words. Umm.. Maybe school. Lets write on South Point. Err.. No. Too much resentment. Bitterness. The golden days of school no longer shine bright sun rays on my daily routines. Institutional Education is less humane, more corporate. দম বন্ধ হয়ে যায় আমার |

Well, what to write on? Politics? AAP in Delhi? Is it a BJP takeover all over India? Is it Sharada that will decide Bengal's fate in the so called "future power India"?  Or is it an illusion that provides us with the security that is democracy? Like the very mad Nibaran Chakraborty says:

- "গণতন্ত্র মানে কি?"

-"গত মাসে ভোট হল যে.."

The thought itself is disturbing. What are we? As civilians? Are we citizens of this country? Or are we consumers of Brand Modi? Or are we consumers of Brand Sharada? 

Or does truth lie in this:

"গান লিখলে এরা কবিতা ভাবে

            বামপন্থীদের যেমন ভাবে কমিউনিস্ট।" 

                  - Kabir Suman.

What do I write on then?! Yes! The cricket World Cup! Upcoming hot event! I am not a particular cricket follower, but the World Cup is something else! I am so looking forward to it! I am so looking forward to see Anushka Sharma in the new navy blue! Oh yes! Kisses, Hearts, Misses.

My cricketing knowledge limits me to Anushka Sharma, and some obscure Sakshi Singh Dhoni. So moving on to some music where Chameli asks for some "Jungle Me Mangal", some village belle is causing a "Hungama" with treasures hidden "Pallu Ke Pichhe". And we are thoroughly enjoying with our "Chaar bottle Vodka"! Oh dear! Bombay Meri Jaan! Being invulnerable to alcohol, we move on in search of a elaborate, genuine, worthy topic.  

The faint, far away "Boshonto Eshe Gechhe" tune reminds me of this (just passed?) winter. And inevitably The Kolkata International Book Fair. I save up for this Grand Event. The force majeure helps me save for this sacred affair. And people. I am broke post-Book Fair. I do not have a single rupee on me after the buy-beg-borrow-steal at Milan Mela. According to my মেজো জেঠিমা, " এত্ত টাকা নষ্ট! কি করবি এইসব ছাই-পাশ পড়ে?"

Gentle readers. আমি জেঠির কথা শুনেছি | শ্রীজাত'র কবিতাসমগ্র তাকে তোলাা | So, lets not talk about The Book Fair. :)  

I have not decided what to write on. A subject I can profess on! A subject, a topic I am confident about. Poetry? Yes. I have been trying to write. I have been unable to feel the "spontaneous overflow of powerful things" as Wordsworth has said. Hence, poetry at a stop. Am I less human suddenly? Why am not I feeling the urge, the words that lighten my heart? Has poetry abandoned me? Perhaps the answers lie above. Perhaps like Anupam Roy, I can state in his words, how I feel, I am, at a standstill.

" কাব্যি করা উঠল ডকে,

আমার মাথায় কুকুর ডাকে.."