It is not usual for me to write two blogs in such a quick succession. And that too, about the same sensibilities. But, winter is up on us, and this the season that defines melancholy, longing, love. So, yes. I had to write, didn't I?
It has just been a several months, since I have started considering New Alipore to be a part of Kolkata, as you all know. Those who do not, can read all about it, here. And since then, if we are being really honest, life has been good. Sometimes, things just fall into place. You are happier, when you wake up. Most days, I wake up to now-familiar good morning greetings, which still feel fresh and new, every time. There is a push to do better, with life, with myself. And that right there, is something rare.
It is all merry and happy, till it's winter. After brief meetings inside crowded, noisy cafes, where familiar faces bombard you with random smiles and greetings, it is futile to think of a long walk, or long-drawn conversations about dreams, hopes and aspirations. It is a quick gulp of tea/coffee, a brisk walk to South City, then waiting for an auto rickshaw or an Uber.
It is here, when melancholy creeps up on you. It is ready to pounce on you. It can feel the weakness lingering at the threshold of your conscience, which is going to make a grand entry once you part ways. Inevitably, you make your way to a quaint neighbourhood, where you know you have to bid goodnight and goodbye to the person you have learnt to hold dearest to you. It is not a long goodbye, neither it is too far a distance for you to feel so - how can I put it - well, miserable.
I usually walk till half-way from the mouth of the alley to Srijani's apartment. That is my unsanctioned and unwritten-but-globally-understood drop-off point. As I stay back, looking at her walk away, she looks back at me, and I know it is perhaps that look-back, which I will have to hold dearest till the next time I see her off. And soon, inevitably, she vanishes behind the walls of her apartment.
I take a moment to process this entire journey to this well-lit, quaint, quiet neighbourhood. And then, it gets worse. Especially during the weekends. It is usually 9:45 or 9:50 PM, by this time, and the number of Ola bikes have dwindled at this point. So, I book one, and roam about the area, because, if I am being honest, I know nothing about New Alipore. It is at this point, you realise how chilly it has gotten. The streets are half-deserted, some lost souls wandering about. The bike arrives in due time. And then it is a fifteen minute journey through Southern Avenue and Gariahat.
As the cold wind lashes against your face, the last few store shutters drop with gloomy clangs. The footpaths see the less-fortunate huddle around a fire, sharing warmth. The odd dogs howl from here and there. Sometimes, a freight train rumbles lowly along the Lake Gardens rail route. I can hear the winds whistling past my ears, which feel cold to touch.
And this 15 minute journey seems like a lifetime without your loved one. And you end up imagining, what life would amount to, if there was no love, if there was no dear one to hold on to, through a lifetime, for real. And as all the cold shards of melancholy and icy pricks of longing stab your ribs with all intensity as you speed up, you feel blessed to have been loved, at all. In the grand scheme of things, being fifteen minutes away from your loved one is a privilege. It is a boon that eludes most people; people who lead love-less lives. People who have no other soul to hold on to, to call their own.
Through the dry winds of winter, we see a hope of spring.
(See what I did there, Game of Thrones fans?)
Goodnight to you all.
And goodnight to you, Srijani. Missing you from the minute you leave the vicinity of my vision is a curse I cannot get rid off. It is something, if I am being honest, I do not wish to get rid off. Makes every time I see you again, all the more special, all the more beautiful.
This blog is for all of you, who have loved, and have loved, relentlessly. As matinee idol Uttam Kumar once said, "Loving is good. Love keeps the mind and the body well."
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